This step was to come out openly, publicly, in my hometown. To appear on posters that would be posted in every dormitory, every dining hall, every classroom building, every administrative building on campus. One hung in each office in which I was employed. I saw my face on this poster in every classroom in which I taught. My family saw it. People they work and go to church with saw it. My in-laws saw it. Strangers saw it.
The strangers were the least of my worries.
To go along with the poster was a website, a Faces of Pride site where you could click on the faces you saw on the posters around town and find out who each person is and what s/he thinks about being part of the LGBT/ally community. I remember sitting on the sofa in my apartment, composing my essay for my piece of the website. I was nervous. Sweating. Shaking. Over-reaction? Maybe. But this would be my opening move on the chessboard of "Oh my god, Molly's GAY?" that I was inviting everyone who had known me since birth to sit down at and ... yeah where was that metaphor going? Anyway. Scary times.
It's been three years now, and I still stand by 99% of what I wrote, back then. The only thing that's changed is my thesis topic. I did end up running away from it and picking something less close to home. I regret that, to some degree, but am certain I never would have graduated, had I been forced to engage a topic that close and that painful as deeply as you have to engage a topic you research for a master's degree.
WHY IS IT IMPORTANT TO BE OUT or TO BE AN ALLY?
For me, being out is a constant struggle between what I am and what I am perceived to be. As a woman married to a man, my bisexuality is often dismissed as being "made-up" or a "bid for attention." I don't know if people realize how hurtful those statements are. I have found that by being out, I can serve as a role-model to others, both those in the LGBT community and those who are allies, showing that it is important to be honest about who and what we, and they, are, even if doing so puts us at risk for bad treatment.
WHY ARE YOU “PROUD”? WHAT ARE YOU MOST “PROUD” OF?
Personally, I am proudest of those who are accepting, and those who are willing to face a bit of discomfort in order to ask questions, clearing up confusion about what it means--to me, at least--to be bisexual in Athens, at OU, and in the US. I take pride in my responsibility as a bisexual to have answers for the questions others have for me, but also to have the humility to clearly say "I don't know" when asked something about which I have no experience or knowledge, or have not thought about before.
WHAT WAS THE MOST DIFFICULT PART OF COMING OUT?
The most difficult part of coming out is the gap between the "idea" others who are close to me had of me before I came out, and the changes in the perception brought on by my coming out. However, hand-in-hand with that difficulty has come the amazing, sometimes painful, but ultimately fascinating experience of learning what people assume bisexuality would change about me, and watching those preconceived notions dissipate as they grew more comfortable with this new knowledge. This is not, of course, to say that this struggle is over; quite the contrary, it is one that reappears anytime the hint of an LGBT-related subject arises.
WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO OTHERS WHO COME OUT?
Be patient, be constant, and be careful. Coming out is absolutely a beautiful thing, but the negative reactions of others can and will be a reality. Once you're out, you're out ... even if you try to backtrack, the experience of coming out will be there, which can be a good thing. In my experience, it was the shame I felt for backtracking that finally pushed me out of the closet and forced me to face the issue head-on. Just be ready, and be careful who you tell first. You don't want a bad first experience to taint your memory of what it's like to be honest.
THOUGHTS FOR NON-LGBT PEOPLE ABOUT LGBT PEOPLE AND CONCERNS:
You know the phrase "we're here, we're queer, get used to it"? That's how it is. Forcing others into the closet through action, inaction, derogatory speech, or apathetic silence is NOT going to make us "go away." It's just going to hurt those around you, very possibly someone you're close to. If you're a human being, you should care enough to stand up for the rights of other human beings, to speak out when the time comes, and to be a supportive friend when things inevitably don't go as well as they could. Educate yourself. Ask uncomfortable questions. Don't avoid the subject or hope that someone else will take care of it. We're doing what we can from our side of things. Will we meet you halfway when the time comes?
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS:
I'm twenty-four years old. My life as a happy, out, bisexual woman has just begun.
This is my third year of graduate school, here at Ohio University. Where I have interests in many areas, my mind has been consistently called back to the issue of homosexuality, bisexuality, transgenderism, and everything in between. I have struggled with this, tried to change the topic of my research for my thesis, thinking that "this isn't appropriate, it's just a phase I'm going through."
This is not a phase. This is who I am. I am proud of it, defensive of it, scared absolutely out of my wits at the thought that I will carry it with me for the rest of my life. I'm tired of hiding it; yet I'm terrified of bearing it proudly. The support of my partner and my friends has been irreplaceable in my struggle to come to terms with and learn to feel pride and affection towards my place in the LGBT community and the world outside of it, but alongside it, the resistance, judgment, hurtful words, and shame of others, of family, friends, and coworkers, has been just as powerful. Without it, I very likely could have convinced myself to go on about my life, to pick another topic for my research.
I will not do that. I will serve my community, those whom I think of as my people.
As my mentor Dr. Muhammad says, "The struggle continues." And from it, I pray we'll all emerge a little wiser.
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